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Archive for April, 2011Woman Sets World Record with 52 Plastic Surgery ProceduresWednesday, April 27th, 2011 In many ways, the Guinness Book of World Records is filled with a bunch of individuals who have way too much time on their hands and as a result, went the extra mile to become the best at something no one else cares about. While some of these records are somewhat silly and innocuous – I saw a group of 60 people drink out of the world’s largest shot-ski at a bar in Vail this winter – others are a bit more extreme. I would say Cindy Jackson’s record fits into the extreme category. She holds the world record for the most plastic surgery procedures ever. Over the past 23 years, the 55-year-old woman has undergone 52 different plastic surgery procedures. Her tab for this insane amount of surgery has exceeded $100,000. Are you all thinking what I am right now? That $100,000 could feed a lot of starving people in Africa! Cindy’s list of plastic surgery procedures runs the gamut from minor non-surgical treatments to very invasive procedures, including:
Remember, this is not an all-inclusive list. By my calculations, there are about 42 procedures that have been left off. Ouch. Talk about bruising. I’m sure you all might be wondering what kind of person would subject her body to such a ridiculous amount of plastic surgery. Believe it or not, she’s a total wacko. Cindy swears she doesn’t have low self-esteem, and she has never been bullied. Her primary reason for undergoing an average of 2.26 plastic surgery procedures a year for the past 23 years is to look good. She doesn’t want to grow old like the rest of us. Instead, she wants to retain a natural, youthful beauty well into her twilight years. I hate to break it to her, but it’s a bit late for that. She already looks a bit freakish for someone old enough to carry an AARP card.
Yet, unlike many other women who have been tempted by the Dark Side of the Force and succumbed to the corrupting powers of vanity, Cindy refuses to admit that her vice is a weakness. Instead, she has created an intellectual justification for her plastic surgery addiction: “I was an art student and I had a very highly developed sense of aesthetics. Once I learned the rules of classic proportion and what really is attractive about a face from an artistic point of view (according to Da Vinci and Michelangelo),” she set out to alter her features to adhere to those rules. “We all have a template in our brains of what we consider attractive. So when we see a person walking down the street, within a split second we know.”’ Wow. I’m pretty speechless. I’ve never heard anyone claim they let the principles of Da Vinci and Michelangelo dictate how their face would be reconstructed. That’s just a tough pill to swallow. Besides the fact that their aesthetic sensibilities are approximately 500 years old (notions of style and beauty have certainly changed over the past few centuries), their depictions of beauty were artistic recreations by a human hand, not a realistic replica of what is actually possible based on genetics. Lucky for her she didn’t base her aesthetic standards on the work of Picasso. Otherwise, her face might have turned out like this:
Despite all of her ramblings about Renaissance artists and officially acceptable standards of aesthetics, Cindy is just a girl who wants to look good…and natural. “For me, the best result is one that looks natural. I wouldn’t ever want anyone to stop and stare at me and say, ‘That woman’s had a lot of surgery.’ I would never want to look like I’d had anything done.” Well make up your mind lady. Do you want to look natural or do you want to look like the Mona Lisa? You can’t have it both ways. Besides, I think looking natural was rendered moot when she sought to look 20 years younger than she actually is. There is nothing natural about this woman. Another interesting side note about Cindy Jackson is that she is a member of Mensa, an elite group that only accepts as its members people who score in the top 2% on IQ tests. In other words, she’s a genius. Or perhaps an idiot savant (emphasis on the idiot). None of the articles and TV interviews I saw discussed her views on future procedures, but somehow I have a feeling that she will not stop at # 52. I foresee Cindy adding to her world record in the next few years. After all, humans are far from perfect. Cindy can get work done every year for the rest of her life and still find that her body doesn’t measure up to the scientific standards of beauty she aims to achieve. I’m just shocked that plastic surgeons are still willing to work on her. That seems to breach certain ethical codes in my opinion. This woman clearly needs a psychologist, not a plastic surgeon, to help her feel comfortable in her own skin. If you live in the Washington D.C. or Northern Virginia area and think you want to take a shot at breaking Cindy’s world record, please contact the board certified plastic surgeons at The Virginia Center for Plastic Surgery today to schedule your initial consultation with Dr. Eric Desman. Remember, it took Cindy more than two decades to achieve her plastic look. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Posted in Botox, Facelift, Liposuction, Plastic Surgery Addict, Plastic Surgery Procedures | No Comments » Chinese Man Gets Plastic Surgery to Look Like ShakespeareFriday, April 22nd, 2011 Why would a Chinese man want to spend over $150,000 to look like an old white British guy who has been dead for 500 years? I just don’t get it. But apparently, it is true. Zhang Yiyi, a best-selling author from China, is about to spend approximately $153,000 on plastic surgery in order to look like William Shakespeare. Zhang will subject himself to 10 facelifts in 10 months. In case math was never your strong point, this amounts to one facelift a month for almost a year. Ouch! Talk about pain and bruising. I’ll bet Zhang looks more like Rocky Balboa than William Shakespeare for most of that time.
According to China National Radio, which recently broke the story, the surgeries won’t be too difficult, since Zhang was blessed with a sculpted face including a sharp nose and deep eyes that bear some resemblance to Shakespeare. I have two things to say about this: 1. As if it would ever be an easy job to give a Chinese man Caucasian features. Come on now. 2. If it was so easy, why will it take 10 facelifts? Zhang claims he is choosing to do this in order to “let the people across the world mourn one of the world’s greatest writers and dramatists.” Hmm. A few thoughts on this… Don’t you think there is a cheaper, less painful way to mourn and honor the man you admire? Perhaps put on some of his plays? Zhang can splurge on big name actors to perform some of his favorite Shakespeare plays. Maybe do one a year for ten years. He can call it “A Decade of Shakespeare.” That would certainly let people around the world reconnect w/Shakespeare in a more meaningful way than by undergoing plastic surgery to look like him. And Zhang might even make a few bucks in the process instead of shelling out all that cash on meaningless plastic surgery. But more importantly, do we really need to mourn Shakespeare? Very few authors have achieved the kind of posthumous success that Shakespeare has enjoyed over the last 500 years. High school English curriculums across the country still consider him the most important writer in the cannon, as evidenced by the fact that high school kids read a Shakespeare play every year until they graduate. And it doesn’t stop there. I don’t think there is a single liberal arts college in the country that doesn’t devote at least one course entirely to the works of Shakespeare. Even if you choose to avoid that class like the plague, you’ll still have to read him in one or more required English courses that you will take before graduation. Then there is the pervasive influence Shakespeare still has in pop culture:
I can go on and on, but I think you get the point. Clearly, we don’t need to mourn Shakespeare. He’s doing fine without any extra help from an obsessed Chinese author. Do you think Stephen King will be this widely honored 500 hundred years from now? Hemmingway? Maya Angelou? Somehow I doubt it. But I’ll bet that 500 years from now, high school kids will still be forced to read Shakespeare every year, and you will still be able to see the entire Shakespeare library shamelessly rehashed in movie theaters around the world. Now that is staying power. I wonder how Shakespeare would feel about Zhang’s tribute. My guess is that he’s turning over in his grave. If he were alive, I bet he would make Zhang the butt of all the jokes in his next play. Regardless, it is clear that Zhang Yiyi is a silly man. He’s squandering lots of money to honor an author who needs no further promotion. The worst part is that in the end, he’s going to come out looking like a freak. I mean, would you really want to look like this guy?
If you are in need of a facelift in the Phoenix, Arizona area, please contact board certified plastic surgeon Dr. Paul Angelchik today to schedule your initial consultation. Keep in mind that Dr. Angelchik is a modern man. He doesn’t do Shakespeare. Posted in Facelift, Plastic Surgery, Shakespeare | No Comments » Breast Implants Turn 50Wednesday, April 13th, 2011 The breast implant has reached a rather significant milestone this year. It is now officially 50 years old. Happy birthday breast implants! I’m so glad they are older than me.
I have to admit, I wasn’t at all shocked when I found out that the very first breast implant was made in Texas. In a land where bigger is always, better, it should come as no surprise that their gift to the world was artificially big boobs. Yes, we already have so much to thank Texas for, like:
Let’s just add breast implants to this already stellar list of contributions to American society. Better yet, let’s just put them at the top of the list, because without this most important contribution, I wouldn’t have a job. Interestingly, breast augmentation predates the invention of the breast implant by almost a century. The first breast augmentation procedure was attempted in 1889 by an Austrian surgeon who tried to use paraffin injections to boost a woman’s assets. Six years later, a German doctor placed tissue from a benign growth on a woman’s back into her breast to prevent asymmetry after removing a tumor. After that, the world of breast augmentation lay dormant for almost a half century. But in the 1940s and 1950s, doctors started experimenting with a variety of substances to increase the size of women’s breasts. It seems like almost everything but the kitchen sink was tried during this era of experimentation:
Finally in 1961, two Houston plastic surgeons unleashed the technology that has been used by movie stars, strippers, porn stars, and suburban housewives ever since to draw attention to their buxom knockers. Dr. Thomas Cronin and Dr. Frank Gerow developed a tear drop shaped rubber sac filled with a thick, viscous silicone gel. Their first guinea pig was a Houston woman named Timmie Jean Lindsey. She is now 75 years old with 10 kids and 16 great-grandchildren. Talk about a Texas-sized family.
This initial breast implant prototype was a big hit among the Hollywood elite, but very few other Americans could afford its hefty price tag. However, over the years the advances in breast implant technology have brought down the price, enabling just about anyone with aspirations of cavernous cleavage to achieve their lofty goals. Here’s to the next 50 years of breast implants. May they continue to generate all of the wacky stories that become fodder for my blog. While I may find them silly and superficial, I can honestly say that I have gotten many a laugh at their expense. I don’t think Dr. Cronin and Dr. Gerow are still in the boob job business, but if you are in need of a top notch Houston, Texas breast augmentation surgeon, please contact board certified plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Ciaravino today to schedule your free initial consultation. Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments » Venezuelan President Takes on Breast ImplantsWednesday, April 6th, 2011 It seems a new recurring theme is developing on my blog. It can best be described as the Year of the World Leader. In the last two months, I have already blogged about Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s plastic surgery scandal where he allegedly funded the plastic surgery operations for many of the underage prostitutes at his Bunga Bunga parties. I have also written about Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi’s eccentric plastic surgery where he stopped the doctor mid-procedure in order to eat a hamburger. Now it seems we have another world leader who wants to enter the fray. Last month, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez went on a televised rant condemning all things related to breast augmentation. Yes, that’s right. With all of the serious problems going on around the world, President Chavez chose to use his TV time to rip plastic surgeons a new one and make breast augmentation Public Enemy #1 in Venezuela.
Chavez called Venezuela’s breast augmentation addiction “monstrous.” He places the blame largely with plastic surgeons who “convince some women that if they don’t have some big bosoms, they should feel bad.” He even went as far as to claim that breast implants are a gateway to early pregnancy and drug addiction. I’d like to say I’m shocked by these comments, but the political cynic in me forces me to realize that this is simply par for the course. Is taking a stand on breast augmentation that much different than the U.S. Congress ignoring important issues with our flailing economy to take on steroids in baseball? Or the shame Berlusconi has heaped on the Italian nation by paying for teenage prostitution? Clearly, the priorities of political leaders are completely out of whack. This is just another example of the unfortunate fact that power is most often wasted on the worthless. Needless to say, this tirade didn’t endear Chavez to his people. There are between 30,000 and 40,000 breast augmentation procedures performed in Venezuela every year. Billboards regularly advertise bank loans for breast augmentation, and last year a political candidate for the National Assembly even tried to raise money for his campaign by raffling off a breast lift. Clearly, Venezuelans love their silicone. One Venezuelan newspaper, El Nacional, blasted Chavez’s remarks: “Now comes this antiquated, militaristic, coarse, repressive attitude on the freedom of women to do what they want with their bodies.” It seems that political controversy is brewing in Venezuela, and it is all due to a bunch of boob jobs. Wouldn’t it be ironic if this was the central issue that prevents Chavez from getting reelected next time he runs for office? Never underestimate the power of the boob. If you disagree with President Hugo Chavez and would like more information about this “monstrous” procedure which may lead you on the path to pregnancy and rehab, please contact Dallas, Texas plastic surgeon Dr. Vasdev Rai today to schedule your initial consultation. Posted in Breast Augmentation, Breast Implants, Gadhafi, Hugo Chavez | No Comments » |
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