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Archive for March, 2011

Gadhafi’s Clandestine Late Night Plastic Surgery

Thursday, March 31st, 2011

When you are a man as vilified as Moammar Gadhafi, it is unwise to broadcast your indulgences of vanity to the general public. It will only fuel their hatred of you. Perhaps that is why it took more than 15 years for reports of his plastic surgery to surface.

Yes, it appears that the rumors are all true. In 1995, Gadhafi went under the knife to project a more youthful, virile presence to his fellow countrymen. He received a facelift and hair plugs in commemoration of remaining in power for 25 years. Gadhafi, at the time 53 years old, charged two Brazilian plastic surgeons with the task of making him look like a 28-year-old man. I suppose he thought plastic surgeons were miracle workers. Or perhaps he truly believed it was reasonable to not age a day after 25 years of ruling Libya with an iron fist. Either way, his stated goal of looking 28 just adds more fuel to the argument that he is truly mad.

According to Dr. Liacyr Ribiero and Dr. Fabio Naccache, the two plastic surgeons who performed Gadhafi’s makeover, this was not your ordinary plastic surgery procedure. Here are some of the facts surrounding what was perhaps the most bizarre facelift ever:

  • The procedure was performed in an underground bunker in the middle of the night
  • Gadhafi arrived 5 hours late for his own plastic surgery
  • Gadhafi refused to use general anesthesia out of a fear that he may be assassinated during the procedure – instead, he opted for local anesthesia
  • Half way through the procedure, Gadhafi ordered the surgeons to take a break so that he could eat a hamburger
  • When they finished the procedure, the surgeons were given an envelope containing an unspecified amount of U.S. dollars and Swiss francs – Dr. Ribiero claims it contained more money than he would typically charge at his clinic in Brazil

Dr. Ribiero has also allegedly performed plastic surgery on Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. It is uncertain whether he also operated on Berlusconi’s Bunga Bunga girls. Recent reports have indicated that Berlusconi paid for plastic surgery for the underage prostitutes that performed at his Bunga Bunga parties.

Yet, Berlusconi and Gadhafi are not the only current world leaders to have allegedly undergone plastic surgery. There have been rumors swirling about procedures performed on North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un and Russia’s Vladimir Putin as well. And I’m sure that through the years, many other leaders have gone down this path in an attempt to maintain their youthful looks. After all, running a country can add years to your appearance. Just ask Bill Clinton.

Here are some other world leaders who seem like they may have been prime candidates for plastic surgery:

  • Ronald Reagan – Did any president in U.S. history age more gracefully during his time in the Oval Office than Reagan? The man looked exactly the same in 1981 as he did in 1988. Gotta be plastic surgery, or perhaps that case of Alzheimer’s he was developing.

  • Dwight Eisenhower – I doubt anyone would ever accuse Eisenhower of getting plastic surgery, but maybe he should have gone that route. Has there ever been a president who looked older and more decrepit than Eisenhower?

  • Golda Meir – The former Israeli Prime Minister certainly never got plastic surgery, but it would have done wonders for her. She kind of had that Susan Boyle look going.

  • Fidel Castro – The man has been in power for over 50 years, and you’d never know it by his looks. Of course, if some Cuban plastic surgeon ever operated on Castro, he’d have to take that secret to the grave.

  • Imelda Marcos – Would it really surprise you if she had a little plastic surgery to go along with the 2,700 pairs of shoes she was reported to have owned?

  • Adolph Hitler – People will probably speculate about this one till the end of time. Did Hitler really blow his brains out in that bunker in 1945 or did he have a loyal NAZI plastic surgeon come in to completely rearrange his face? Maybe he lived to a ripe old age on a beach in Brazil with his new appearance. If this were the case, I’m sure he would have been forced to lose the silly moustache. That would have been a dead giveaway.

If you are interested in getting a facelift in the South Bend, Indiana area, please contact the plastic surgeons at The Centre, P.C. today to schedule your initial consultation. Just so you know, Dr. Downs and Dr. Viscardi don’t serve burgers and fries in the middle of a procedure – unless you can pay them Gadhafi rates.

Posted in Facelift, Gadhafi, Plastic Surgery | No Comments »

Mom Injects 8-Year-Old with BOTOX to Make Her a Star

Friday, March 25th, 2011

As the great Walter Sobchak once said, “8 year olds, Dude.”

Kerry Campbell is a 34-year-old British woman who has recently relocated to San Francisco with her 8-year-old daughter, Britney. When I tell you that there is absolutely nothing normal about poor little Britney’s childhood, I’m not being melodramatic. At the ripe old age of 8, she is being groomed to become the next huge star (her mother’s take). My bet is that she ends up pregnant before her sweet sixteen.

Last spring, Britney received a rather unconventional birthday present from her mom – her first ever BOTOX injection. That’s right. It’s your birthday. You’re 8 years old. All your friends are getting new Barbie dolls to play with. Your mom is shooting poison into your face so that you can look like Barbie.

This was not a one-time affair either. Britney now receives BOTOX injections once every three months to help her become a star. Mom Kerry explains: “I know one day she will be a model, actress, or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer….When she’s a superstar earning millions, she’ll always be grateful for what I did when she was so young.”

Can we say delusions of grandeur? But it gets worse.

Kerry doesn’t take her daughter to a board certified plastic surgeon to get these injections – most likely because there isn’t a board certified plastic surgeon on the planet who would administer BOTOX to such a young child. Instead, she buys the BOTOX online and administers the injections herself. But don’t worry about safety issues. Kerry tests the goods on herself before shooting them into her elementary school-aged daughter’s face. As if that makes this whole ordeal any less creepy.

So far, Britney has received BOTOX injections in her forehead, lips, and around the eyes. That’s right. She’s probably the first ever 8-year-old to start showing signs of crow’s feet. Call the Guinness Book of World Records.

As if this weren’t already disturbing enough, Britney has also received Restylane shots to plump up her lips. Of course, these were ordered online and administered at home as well. I’m sure Kerry did the responsible thing and tested these on herself too. It would be wrong to make young Britney the guinea pig.

Have you heard enough yet? If not, this next part is sure to go too far. But sadly, it’s true. Britney is also receiving monthly virgin wax treatments to get rid of fluffy leg hair and prevent the development of pubic hair as she reaches that stage of her life. OK, so not only do you want your daughter to have a successful modeling career, but you’re also grooming her to have the perfect porn star nether regions.

Someone needs to call Child Protective Services so that poor Britney can hold onto what small shreds remain of her shattered childhood. Michael Jackson was forced to grow up at a really young age too, and he became a supremely creepy adult. Shouldn’t we learn from his tragic tale?

Sadly, Britney has bought into the hype hook, line, and sinker. “I check every night for wrinkles, and when I see some, I want more injections. It used to hurt, but now I don’t cry that much.”

Really? I’m turning 35 next week and I NEVER check the mirror for wrinkles. And while I’m sure my eyes show the wear and tear of my third-of-a-century on this planet, I would NEVER even think about shooting them full of BOTOX. But this poor 8-year-old girl who won’t even have a single wrinkle for at least another 20-30 years is already detecting the early stages of old age in the mirror and taking drastic steps to delay the process. Well, at least she’s gotten past the crying. Otherwise, I might worry that this whole ordeal would cause serious psychological scarring.

Of course, now that she’s gotten her feet wet, she’s ready to dive in head first. Britney has made the alarming comment, “I also want a boob and nose job soon, so that I can be a star.” I don’t know any 8-year-olds who have ever said that they can’t wait to get breast augmentation. Most kids that age don’t even know what a boob job is.

I’ve read some seriously disturbing accounts of plastic surgery addiction running amok in the 2+ years I’ve been writing this blog, but this is by far the worst of them all. This poor girl has been robbed of her childhood, and now she is most likely headed towards a train wreck of a life.

So what do you think? Where will precocious young Britney be when she turns 21? My bet is on one of these outcomes:

  • Stuffing dollar bills into a skimpy bra housing her surgically enhanced breasts as she spins around a stripper pole
  • On the centerfold pull-out of a magazine showing hard-core porn (you know she’ll be perfectly shaved – she’s already getting waxed down there)
  • Collecting welfare as a single mom with 3 kids
  • Turning tricks in a back alley to score a bag of her drug of choice

One thing I am pretty confident about is that she won’t be a famous star. Most stars have talent, and they spend the bulk of their childhood practicing hours a day to get really good at their talent. Right now, all Britney is getting practice at is holding back the tears while her mom shoots her full of BOTOX.

If you are an adult with actual wrinkles and you would like to do something about them, please contact Phoenix, Arizona plastic surgeon Dr. Bryan Gawley today to schedule your initial consultation. Dr. Gawley is board certified and therefore doesn’t do kids. Sorry to disappoint you, Kerry.

Posted in Botox | No Comments »

Snake Bites Model’s Breast, Dies of Silicone Poisoning

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Yes, it’s official. Silicone breast implants are highly hazardous to your health – that is, if you are a snake. Someone should alert the FDA so that they can adjust the warning label for these implants. Maybe it should read, “Do not leave silicone breast implants near the mouth of an ornery snake. Silicone poisoning can be fatal for reptiles.”

Israeli model Orit Fox learned this the hard way in a recent photo shoot for a Spanish TV channel. What started out as a sexy photo shoot between a very well-endowed (albeit surgically enhanced) model and one of nature’s oldest and craftiest creatures ended in disaster last week.

Things started off well between Fox and mankind’s original nemesis. She seemed very comfortable as the rather large boa constrictor wrapped itself around her legs, waist, and neck. She did her best to look sexy throughout the entire process, although I would argue that the entire scene came off as a bit creepy. However, Fox decided to get a little too intimate with the snake, and that is when the situation went sour in a hurry.

For some reason, she seemed to think it would be a good idea to try and kiss the snake. Well, kiss may be the wrong way to describe it. I’d say it was more like licking the snake’s face. Fox stuck out her rather large, Gene Simmons-like tongue and began caressing the snake’s face with it as if she were about to perform a dirty, porn star-style bedroom act.

The snake took offense to this, and it sunk its fangs into her left breast.

The snake’s vice-like grip on Fox’s breast proved to be pretty formidable. As the bleach-blonde model shrieked in horror, the snake held on for dear life. A member of the TV crew rushed to her aid, but it took several seconds before he could pry the snake off of its prey.

Watch the video of this carnage here. It is well worth the 30 seconds you will sacrifice from your busy day. I promise.

Ultimately, Orit Fox fared much better than her slithering adversary. She was rushed to the hospital and given a tetanus shot. Physically, she seems to be fine; however, it may take awhile for the shock to wear off. I’ll bet she has snakebite nightmares for weeks.

While the snake won the battle, it certainly lost the war. Several hours later, it died from silicone poisoning. Death by lethal silicone implant. I think that might be a first. Perhaps we should try this method out on death row criminals. Present them with a breast implant filled with silicone and force them to bite down hard. That’s right, suck it dry. And then die a slow, excruciating death from silicone poisoning. I’ll bet it’s much cheaper and more energy efficient than the electric chair.

I’d like to take a moment to point out the irony in this situation. This is not exactly the first time a woman and serpent have been at odds over eating the forbidden fruit. Thousands of years ago in the Garden of Eden, Round 1 went to the serpent. Ironically, it was this transgression that led to mankind’s knowledge of its sexuality. In a sense, you can say that breast augmentation would not exist if it were not for Eve eating the forbidden fruit. Had she not succumbed to temptation, humans may still be frolicking in ignorant bliss of their sexuality to this very day.

Instead, we have become a society that is hypersensitive to all things sexual. Everywhere you turn, you are bombarded with reminders of your sexuality – in movies, TV, magazines, music videos, political sex scandals, and the Italian Prime Minister’s raunchy Bunga Bunga parties. All of this has happened (according to the sprawling work of fiction that is the bible) because Eve was duped by the serpent thousands of years ago, unlocking the door to human sexuality with every bite of that forbidden fruit. And now, in order to maximize their sexual potential, many women have turned to plastic surgery fixes like breast augmentation to land a man higher up on the attractiveness scale than they could have otherwise attained without these cosmetic alterations.

As a result, the tables have been turned. Woman has become the temptress, dangling a buoyant, perky, silicone forbidden fruit in front of the serpent. Just begging it to take a bite. Almost daring it.

Of course, the serpent didn’t stand a chance this time. It went in for the kill and held on for dear life. And with each moment its fangs stayed lodged in that bubble of silicone bliss, its life was drawing nearer to its end. Yes, it has taken quite some time, but we have finally done it. We have finally gotten revenge on the serpent for making Eve eat the forbidden fruit. This time, the serpent partook of the fruit, and it wasn’t just cast out of the Garden. It was dealt a knockout blow for all of eternity. Death by lethal silicone implant.

To all of the religious zealots out there who adhere to the concept of Original Sin, I would like to propose a different purpose for the biblical story of Eve and the serpent. Personally, I think Original Sin was just another trope fabricated by the powers that be to exert some degree of mind control over their followers. Clearly, Original Sin is the mother-load of all guilt trips.

Instead, I would like to argue that the eating of the forbidden fruit eons ago in the Garden of Eden was just the first installment in a larger story that is the battle between mankind and serpent. Now in 2011, we have finally witnessed Round 2. This time, it was a tale of mankind’s redemption. The score is now tied – Woman 1, Serpent 1. It may take a few thousand years, but I have a feeling this story is not done yet. There will eventually be a rubber match. Who will be arrogant enough to try and eat the forbidden fruit in Round 3? Only time will tell.

If you believe you have what it takes to take on the serpent and score the ultimate victory for mankind, then it’s high time you make an appointment to get fit for some fancy new silicone breast implants. Please contact the Denver, Colorado plastic surgeons at the Broadway Center for Plastic Surgery today to schedule your free initial consultation.

Posted in Breast Augmentation, Breast Implants | No Comments »

Former Breast Implant Champion of the World in Coma

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

It’s been a few months since we’ve checked in on Sheyla Hershey, the former undisputed breast implant champion of the world. But I knew if I just waited long enough, she’d give me reason to pick on her again. I think we’re up to 4 posts about her, but it might be more. I’m beginning to lose count. Regardless, I think it is safe to say that Sheyla Hershey and her near-fatal 38KKK breast implants are the gift that keeps on giving.

When we last checked in with her in October, she was reeling and on the ropes. A life-threatening staph infection forced Sheyla to get those silicone juggernauts removed once and for all. At the time, it seemed that life was more important to her than holding the world record for the largest breast implants.

It’s amazing how much things can change in just a few short months.

Hershey is currently in a coma after her second failed suicide attempt in as many months. It appears that despite her claims to the contrary, she truly cannot go on living if she is not the undisputed breast implant champion of the world. Her entire identity is wrapped up in this rather trashy accomplishment, and without her title as world record holder, she clearly has no reason to live. I guess her children aren’t a compelling enough reason to prevent her from taking her life. Imagine the therapy sessions they’ll need to process the fact that their mother cares more about her breast implants than her own children.

Prior to having her implants removed last fall, Hershey returned to her native Brazil to undergo an 11th breast augmentation that would have given her size 38MMM breasts. This surgery would have pushed her past the current Guinness World Record holder Maxi Mounds (she has a size 42M). However, Hershey developed a staph infection during the procedure which ultimately led to the removal of her implants. She has been distraught ever since.

Interestingly, she was scheduled to have a procedure to restore her currently-defunct KKKs when she overdosed on prescription pills. This procedure has been postponed indefinitely now that she is in a coma. However, it is likely that she will do everything in her power to go through with the surgery once she comes out of her coma. It’s obvious that she’d rather die a busty behemoth than go through life as a small-breasted old biddy.

“Once I reclaim my identity as the world’s biggest boobs I can be a better role model for my daughter,” she recently said in an interview. I’m not sure what kind of a role model that would be, but if her daughter aspires to pick up dollar bills while giving a lap dance with Motley Crue blasting in the background, then maybe she has a point.

I would like to offer my sincerest support to Sheyla Hershey in her time of need. I truly hope that she snaps out of her coma very soon so that she can continue to make a fool out of herself and give me fodder for this blog. I’m sure we haven’t heard the end of the Sheyla Hershey saga just yet. I feel a comeback is in store for her. Perhaps she will even regain her title as undisputed breast implant champion of the world. That would make for a great story.

If you live in the Houston, Texas area and would like to take a shot at the title, please contact board-certified plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Ciaravino today to schedule your initial consultation. Sheyla Hershey looks like she’s all washed up. Do you have what it takes to be the next undisputed breast implant champion of the world?

Posted in Breast Augmentation, Breast Implants, Undisputed Breast Implant Champion of the World | No Comments »

Italian Prime Minister Accused of Paying for “Bunga Bunga” Girls’ Plastic Surgery

Friday, March 4th, 2011

Italy is a beautiful country filled with many beautiful people. Unfortunately, their Prime Minister does not seem to qualify as one of them. Over the past month, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been embroiled in a scandal which seems to get worse by the minute.

He is already facing a prostitution trial that is set to start this April. Now, he is being accused of paying for equally sinister acts carried out by at least seven women in his inner circle. That’s right, I’m talking about plastic surgery.

According to prosecutors in Milan, several women who “prostituted themselves” at the “bunga bunga” parties held at Berlusconi’s mansion were allegedly given money by the Prime Minister to be used for breast augmentation, buttock augmentation, and lip augmentation. The operations were believed to be carried out by Dr. Giacomo Urtis, a plastic surgeon in Sardinia. While Dr. Urtis has neither confirmed nor denied these allegations, he insists he has never worked on Karima Keyek, the belly dancer who Berlusconi allegedly paid for sex while she was still 17.

Can this PR nightmare get any worse for the Italians and their embattled leader? A sex scandal with a minor, which turned out to be a prostitution scandal, and now a plastic surgery scandal to boot. This man is just up his eyeballs in deviant behavior with women who he clearly objectifies. Not exactly the shining example you want to set for your citizenry.

Although, let’s be honest. Is paying for someone’s plastic surgery really illegal? Un-Prime Ministerly, perhaps. But illegal? I’d hardly say so. Lucky for Berlusconi, he’s the third richest man in Italy. So most likely, he did not have to embezzle federal funds in order to look at some large breasted women at his bunga bunga parties.

I’ll bet his girls ran up quite the plastic surgery tab. After all, they weren’t paying. “C’mon doc. Won’t you make those a little bigger? The Prime Minister really loves D-cups. You don’t want him to be frustrated when it comes time to make a national security decision, do you?”

But here’s what I’m curious about. What in the world is a “bunga bunga” party? I have searched the Internet far and wide, and there really is no explanation given for this term. Some sources claim it may refer to an erotic sex ritual Berlusconi learned from a deplorable Middle East leader currently hogging the headlines (Gadhafi). However, this is speculative at best.

I do like the sound of the term. It has somewhat of a Cro-Magnon feel to it, while at the same time invoking memories of childhood cartoons created by the likes of Hannah Barbara. I’m thinking it may become the title of the next instrumental tune I write for my band, Jababa.

Considering buttock augmentation was one of the offending plastic surgery procedures named in the Berlusconi scandal, I think it may be appropriate to rename the Brazilian Butt Lift. Perhaps it should now be called the Bunga Bunga Butt Lift. I think that has a better ring to it, don’t you? Next time you visit your local plastic surgeon to find out the scoop on crafting that badonkadonk you’ve always wanted, tell him you’re interested in getting a Bunga Bunga Butt Lift. When he gives you a “Whatchoo talkin ‘bout Willis” expression, just tell him you’re hoping to have the kind of butt that only a dirty old Italian politician would love. Now doesn’t that sound sexy?

Bunga bunga notwithstanding, Silvio Berlusconi sounds like a Grade A creep. Although I am wondering, why are we making a big deal about him buying these women plastic surgery? Sure, his wife should be pissed off, but it’s not like he used federal funds to pay for the procedures. The man is a millionaire. Maybe the Italian people will learn, as we did in the late 90s, that there are more important things to criticize your leader about. Maybe they should look at his governing record. That seems to me like a much better place to start.

If you are looking to spruce up your body to impress all the dirty old men at your next bunga bunga party, please contact New York City plastic surgeon Dr. George Lefkovits today to schedule your initial consultation. Don’t worry, he doesn’t know what a bunga bunga party is either, but he’ll make sure you’re the envy of all the other girls.

Posted in Brazilian Butt Lift, Breast Augmentation, Butt Augmentation | No Comments »

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