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Archive for August, 2010

Heidi Montag: “My Boobs are too Big!”

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

In a recent interview with Life & Style magazine, Heidi Montag revealed that she no longer wants her humongous G-cup breast implants. The former star of the reality show “The Hills” received the implants about 9 months ago when she had 10 plastic surgery procedures performed in one day. It was her second breast augmentation.

Immediately following the procedure, Montag indicated that the implants weren’t quite big enough. She was gunning for an H-cup down the road. Amazing what nine months of agony will do to a woman. She has now seen the error of her ways, prompting this surprising about-face.

Montag recently declared that she feels trapped in her body and is “desperate to go back to normal.” She is still in serious pain on a daily basis, and her body has not gotten used to her G-cup torpedo boobs. Well, if they are still feeling funky after nine months, I would imagine they will never feel quite right.

Among the most pressing issues she faces due to her disproportionately large implants are:

  • Being unable to hug her four dogs
  • Being unable to wear anything other than custom-made clothing
  • Problems working out

Heidi told Life & Style, “I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

Funny how she never refers to her split with her fame whore husband as heartbreaking, but the negative impact her boob job has had on her workout regimen is a full blown tragedy. At least she has her priorities in order.

I find it ironic that she has made this revelation less than a week after her plastic surgeon unexpectedly died. I suppose she probably resents him for kicking the bucket at such an inopportune time. If I was a plastic surgery addict like Montag, I might find such a callous disregard for my aesthetic well-being disrespectful too.

But do not worry. America’s plastic surgery poster girl is not swearing off cosmetic enhancements altogether. She doesn’t want her natural breast size back – just a slightly less augmented size. She will most likely sub out her G-cup implants for D-cup implants – maybe double D’s if she’s feeling a little adventurous on game day.

If you are interested in breast augmentation in the Los Angeles, California area, please contact the Bray Plastic Surgery Medical Center today to schedule your initial consultation. Who knows – maybe you will run into Heidi trying out a more modest D-cup implant.

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Posted in Breast Augmentation, Breast Implants, Plastic Surgery Addict | 1 Comment »

Plastic Surgeon Sues Anonymous Reviewers on Yelp

Friday, August 20th, 2010

Dr. Kimberly Henry, a plastic surgeon in Marin County, California, has sued reviewers on the online review sites Yelp and DoctorScorecard over several scathing reviews of his service. In total, he has sued 12 reviewers, many of whom are anonymous. He is seeking $2 million in damages for libel and defamation.

Wow. This may possibly be the most frivolous lawsuit I have ever seen. For starters, most of the reviewers are anonymous. How do you sue an anonymous person? It’s kind of like suing the boogeyman or the Loch Ness monster.

The purpose of these online review sites is to provide patients with a forum to express their honest opinions on the services they have received, and to provide prospective patients with additional insight as they decide on a surgeon. By nature, negative reviews are essential to the integrity of these sites. Forcing negative reviewers to pay damages for libel would make these sites worthless.

But since in this particular situation most of the reviewers were anonymous, I must once again raise the following question – who is Dr. Henry actually going to sue? Hopefully the courts see this case for the garbage that it is and throw it out.

I have one word of advice for Dr. Henry. If you don’t want negative reviews of your work, stop botching plastic surgery procedures. If you do good work, you will get good reviews. It’s time you take responsibility for your shortcomings as a plastic surgeon.

If you are interested in plastic surgery in the Los Angeles, California area, please contact the experienced Los Angeles plastic surgeons at the Bray Plastic Surgery Medical Center today to schedule your free initial consultation.

Posted in Plastic Surgery Procedures | No Comments »

Botox Bandit Arrested in Florida

Friday, August 13th, 2010

For several weeks, Maria Elizabeth Chrysson has been a fugitive from the law. This slippery and deceitful 29-year-old, dubbed the “Botox Bandit” by the media, is wanted by Florida police for suspicion of walking out on several BOTOX procedures, leaving the unsuspecting plastic surgeons to foot the bill.
A few days ago, she was apprehended by authorities while eating lunch in a Miami Beach café. Ironically, her primary concern was not that she faced serious jail time for her legal infractions, but that her mug shot would be ugly because she was having a “bad hair day.” She then proceeded to ask the arresting officers if she could check her Facebook page to find out if news of her arrest had reached her friends.

Well, at least she has her priorities straight. I know that checking Facebook would be the first thing on my mind if I got arrested. I might even post my “bad hair day” mug shot as my new profile pic. I’m sure it would make my parents proud.

Chrysson should not be confused with the hordes of women who have committed identity theft to pay for plastic surgery. Unlike these women who drain the bank accounts of unsuspecting victims to fund their plastic surgery services, the Botox Bandit prefers a much simpler and more straightforward approach – she just walks out on the tab.

I know, that is something you’d expect an angry dirt bag to do at a restaurant after receiving poor service, but it is something you would never expect someone to be able to get away with at a plastic surgeon’s office. And amazingly, she’s actually pulled this off on multiple occasions with different doctors.

Surely, you’d think that a person who made it all the way through medical school and obtained a specialization in plastic surgery would be able to institute some policies that would prevent a patient from just walking out. These doctors should be smarter than this, don’t you think? Well, I guess stupid people get medical degrees too.

In her most recent escapade, the Botox Bandit received more than $3,300 worth of BOTOX injections, cheek fillers, and lip fillers at a plastic surgery clinic in Fort Lauderdale. She spent more than two and a half hours in the doctor’s office. Then, when it came time to pay, she told the receptionist that she needed to go to the ATM to get cash. She left her purse as collateral and promised to return in a few minutes with their money. That was the last time they ever saw her.

There was one obvious point that struck me right away – no ATM will EVER let you take out $3,000 at one time. You can’t even make 10 consecutive withdrawals of $300 to reach that total. In an effort to protect their customers from credit card theft, most banks have placed limits on the amount of money you can withdraw from an ATM in any given day. These limits are well below $3,000. Even the dumbest of office receptionists should have realized this and called her bluff before letting her walk out the front door.

In hindsight, the doctor at the Fort Lauderdale clinic said he should have noticed the following red flags while she was still at the office:

  • She was very demanding and knew exactly what she wanted
  • She received more than 50 injections without a topical anesthetic
  • She refused to take a “before” photo, claiming it would violate the terms of her modeling contract

According to the doctor, “I dropped the ball on that one. It will never happen again. Now she was very attractive, but she wasn’t model material.”

Hmm. So the fact that she wasn’t model material should have screamed “BOTOX thief.” Perhaps, but not likely. What it really tells you is that you are shooting BOTOX into a delusional woman’s face. Regardless, I’d still be livid at the idiot employee who believed the Botox Bandit was going to take 3 grand out of an ATM. Hopefully, this employee has recently joined the ranks of the 10%+ that make up our nation’s unemployed.

The Botox Bandit has retained an attorney to help her through this ordeal. If he is smart, he will demand payment in advance. After all, he is defending a woman being charged with walking out on her bill.

Her lawyer has stated that she wants to pay her bills, but she is struggling with financial issues. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her? Are her “financial issues” supposed to excuse her actions? I wonder how my landlord would feel if I told him that I really wanted to pay rent this month, but I was struggling with financial issues so he’d just have let it slide. I wonder if I’d still have a place to live when next month’s rent was due.

There is a silver lining for the Botox Bandit. With all of those injections, her face should be frozen for at least another six months. This way, when she gets anally violated in the prison shower, the other inmates won’t be able to see how much pain she’s truly in.

If you live in the Naples, Florida area, are interested in BOTOX, and plan to pay your bill, please contact experienced Naples plastic surgeon Dr. Manuel Peña today to schedule your initial consultation. Be warned – Dr. Peña will not fall for the ATM excuse. He’s read this blog.

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Posted in Botox, Lip Fillers | 1 Comment »

Breast Implants vs. BMW – Who Will Win?

Friday, August 6th, 2010

Thanks to Matthew Candelaria, I recently discovered a video testing the durability of saline and silicone breast implants. This not-so-scientific study was conducted by an Orange County, California plastic surgeon. To determine the difference in durability, each implant was tested against the muscle of the surgeon’s BMW.

First, a saline implant was placed on the road. The surgeon then drove over the implant with his BMW. SPLAT! The saline implant burst like a water balloon under the power of the BMW. Score one for German automotives.

Next, a silicone implant faced the same test. Amazingly, it took a lickin’ and kept on tickin’. It appears that high performance German vehicles are no match for medical grade silicone.

What should we make of this rather middle school-style science experiment? I have a few thoughts on the matter:

  • If we were to evaluate these three items along a rock/paper/scissor analogy, silicone is king. It beats both saline and BMW, while BMW only trumps saline. I suppose this makes for a somewhat flawed rock/paper/scissor comparison since there is an uneven distribution of power (one item is clearly the champ, another is clearly the chump, and the third is just mediocre), but it is still fun to juxtapose breast implants and BMWs with a children’s playground game.
  • If the plastic surgeon had used a different vehicle, would the results have been different? Would a Ford F150 or Hummer crush both the saline and silicone implants, making it undisputed heavyweight champ of the experiment? Would saline stand its ground against a Volkswagen Bug? If so, it may serve to marginalize a truly iconic vehicle.
  • This provides yet another (albeit questionable) justification for choosing silicone over saline. They are clearly more durable when bludgeoned by a car. So if you are hit by one as you walk through an intersection, at least your perky new breast implants will hold up even if you shatter every bone in your body. I’m sure most women will take comfort in the fact that their traumatic car accident injury won’t require a breast augmentation revision procedure.
  • This “experiment” leads me to believe that silicone implants may be less likely to explode on a plane – an issue which has plagued several overly zealous breast augmentation patients in the past who have gone just a little too big for their own good.

The other question to ponder is why did silicone slay the mighty BMW while saline got squashed like a fly hitting a windshield? I have two possible explanations for this (the latter of which was proposed by my good friend Dr. Candelaria). I should mention that neither explanation is rooted in scientific, medical, or intellectual data. But then again, neither was this sham of an experiment:

  • Perhaps silicone implants contain stronger shells. This seems highly plausible since a stronger shell may reduce the chance of rupture, which is more of a health concern with silicone implants than saline implants. Let’s face it – no one wants a bunch of gooey silicone dripping through their blood stream. It just seems kind of gross.
  • Perhaps the outcome is due to the fact that silicone is more compressible than water. As a plastic, silicone can be made to shrink its volume. If you watch the video (linked in the first paragraph of this blog), you will notice that the color of the silicone changes as the BMW rolls over the implant (it goes from clear to white). This color change may indicate that the silicone is compressing and becoming denser.

Of course, while this video is somewhat entertaining, it really does not add anything of value to the saline vs. silicone implant debate. Personally, I think there is a hidden message in the video. I think the real intention is to feed the ego of the plastic surgeon (I know – it’s hard to believe a plastic surgeon would need his ego stroked). It is possible that this is just an excuse for him to show off his BMW while indirectly saying, “Look at me. I’m a high-fallutin’ plastic surgeon who drives a BMW. You should be jealous of my success.” I somehow doubt he would have filmed this video if he drove a Yugo.

If you have made it all the way through this blog and are still confused about the relative virtues of saline implants, silicone implants, and BMWs, please contact experienced Newport Beach, California plastic surgeon Dr. Douglas Hendricks today to schedule your initial consultation.

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Posted in Breast Implants | 4 Comments »

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